Cunning, Baffling, Powerful

When is a disease just a disease, and when is it a character defect? When it comes to alcoholism, it all can seem intertwined. The AA Big Book refers to alcohol as “…cunning, baffling, powerful…”. As with a lot of the writing in the Big Book, it has that anachronistic, cornball ring of the 1930s, and a recognizably bombastic tone. But in my early recovery, it was nonetheless validating. It identified the source of my obsession, and it made me feel like I had a sickness, not a lack of character.

Then you get to the later steps (four thru eight) where you have to reflect on all you’ve done, air them to another person (usually your sponsor), make amends to folks you’ve hurt, analyze your character defects, and ask God to take them away. The genius of these difficult steps is that it allows you to focus on specific tasks without necessarily having to analyze whether or not it’s a “disease” or a lack of character. It removes that analytical piece, and you simply make lists of things, checking them off as you make amends. I like this because it’s non-judgmental, it’s not punitive, but it doesn’t let you wriggle out of responsibility either. It’s a bare-faced look at the damage you’ve done, and what contributes to it. It gives you a clearer way to proceed, and takes you out of that “piece of s%&t at the center of the universe” mindset. All of these things you list simply are what they are. No drama.

Those who do not suffer from alcoholism are still mired in whether it’s a disease (which is seen as wimpy and coddling) or simply a lack of character (which appeals to that American “pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get it together” attitude). I personally think that these steps showed me that IT’S A DISEASE THAT ENABLES CHARACTER DEFECTS TO FLOURISH. As a result, recovery is very, very difficult because you need to work on recovery from a disease when it is probably at its height of powers. That is no small task, and it’s the main reason why it’s very hard to do this alone. To paraphrase the old saying from the courts, “An alcoholic who tries to recover alone has a fool for a sponsor.” But, being a fool is at the heart of how this disease manifests.

I am currently reeling from the news that our former university President, fired for a DUI a year ago, has apparently relapsed, including a domestic violence complaint. It’s very, very hard to have compassion for a person who seemed to have everything and then pissed it away. Even as a recovering person, I struggle with that. But, the 6th step tells me that my character defects include being judgmental. So my job is to see this as an opportunity to work on that character defect, and to pray that Dr. Frawley one day hits a true bottom, landing into the hands of God, dropping heavy chains of pride and letting others in to help.

Dr. Frawley, we’re all here if you need us. Get to a meeting, drink some bad coffee, help set up chairs and clean up afterwards. Do it every day, more than once if you can. Get a sponsor. Here are links to Maryland meetings:

• West Central Maryland Meetings
• North of DC Meetings