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The Math of 47

I am 47 today.
This may be the first birthday in over a decade that didn’t depress me. It’s not like I’m looking forward to the external fruits of aging (more like dried fruits these days ), but rather it seems not to matter so much anymore.
It’s as though I have this hidden formula for […]

Me, My Job, and I

My job is undergoing a metamorphosis due to shakeups in the administration. My job description may change drastically, in short order, but I have not been given the details. Just hints, ideas, shadows of what is to be.
This is a strange time. I had not realized how much my identity was tied to this “day […]

Leave Me Behind, Already!!!

I had one of my apocalyptic dreams last night. I’ve had them all my life, but they usually are based in a nuclear holocaust kind of theme: fireballs, birth defects, body burns, and running for cover. Going to grade school in the early to mid-1960s was just a little bit scarring.
But, these days, under a […]

Just Who the Hell Do I Think I Am?

Pema Chodron spoke with Bill Moyers on TV tonight. I remember reading one of her books (”Start Where You Are“) years ago when I was dating a psychologist who fancied himself quite the Buddhist, of the Mahayana variety. He saw the book, and ridiculed my choice as not being intellectually rigorous enough. His preference was […]

Learned Invisibility

There is something in my fate, something in the stars under which I was born, that repels attention. I think I do what I can to grab and beg for it because it seems not to come easy to me. I almost did it last night, but I retracted and deleted the email. Thank god […]